There’s no easy way to put this. We live in a harsh world – one where people are devoid of basic human needs such as warmth, shelter and food. A world where a simple plea for one of those needs is met with a sideways glance, a hushed response, and lingering cynical thoughts.
This weekend I had to remind myself that not everyone who asks for money has negative intentions. Sometimes, most times, people are simply just in need of something each human requires to survive, and regardless of how many people refuse or ignore, asking for help is the only way to get it.
Ryan and I sat in a cozy coffee shop. He enjoyed his coffee, I enjoyed my coconut rooibos latte, and we enjoyed each other’s company as we digested our delicious meal we had with friends across town not long before.
Shortly after raving about how delicious my drink was (incredibly delicious), I noticed a woman in the coffee shop. Average height, average build, and her clothes wouldn’t have said anything about her situation or demeanor. She just looked like your average passerby, perhaps grabbing a coffee before running to catch the bus. Then I noticed her talking to a group of four young adults across from us, then move onto a man on his laptop, and then toward us.
My first thought?
“Oh no she’s asking for money.”
She did in fact ask for money. But she was quite specific, saying it’s been a tough week and all she wanted was some take out sushi from the place across the walkway. We smiled politely and said our usual “I’m sorry we don’t have change, only cards”. She walked away dejected, saying she didn’t care about the money and just wanted to eat.
Some people may have scoffed at this remark or at her request for food. Certainly the man on his laptop ignored her, and the man I saw her later approach at the sushi place across the walkway did the same. The four young adults were analyzing her situation, wondering why she was asking for food. She’s dressed nice enough isn’t she? And “look she has an iPhone!” (which I never saw) assuming that having a mobile gadget meant she wasn’t in a tough space at this moment and in need of food right now.
My heart sank to know that 8 times this woman’s request for a basic human need went rejected. One of those rejections was my own.
I won’t lie. When she first approached us my thought was “here we go again, someone else wanting money”. I live in a city with several people without homes and in difficult circumstances, so panhandling and strangers asking for money is nothing new to me. I’ve had a man rudely refuse food instead of money, I’ve had a woman get huffy when all I could give her were a few quarters, and I’ve had one young male make an incredibly vulgar remark when I said I had no change. In all honesty I’ve become quite desensitized to people asking for money. The line “Sorry no cash, only cards” has become my default answer, not just because it’s true but because it’s a polite and simple refusal.
But I could not ignore this woman’s plea.
She said so herself. She didn’t care about the money. All she wanted was to eat. How could I, after just divulging in a rich and hefty meal of beef vindaloo, followed by a rooibos coconut latte (how snobbish does that sound), say I didn’t have money to buy her a simple take out sushi?
We live in a cynical and hard world where people fend for themselves and where asking for a simple favour such as a meal has become not only a burden but rude and annoying, leaving you to be judged by your clothes and personal possessions.
I know people are doing exceptional things to make a difference, but what happened to every day compassion?
My gnawing gut wouldn’t leave me alone. I excused myself from my husband’s company, grabbed my bag, walked over and bought her a couple boxes of sushi.
I may not have change to give to the next person who asks, but I hope to remember to strip myself of our modern day cynicism and always offer human decency, whether it’s a smile, a conversation, a coffee or a couple boxes of take out sushi.
Amber @ And Yes To Joy says
Okay I love this post so so so much!! I’ve had many experiences like this; I’m a college student in Philadelphia where homelessness and extreme poverty are no strangers.
Sometimes, when I’m on the subway or bus, I people watch. I think: at some point, that person standing on the street asking for money or food was a small child like my nephew, a young adult like my sister, a 20-something like me, and will be an older person, like my parents. I could easily be seeing any one of my loved ones, who I hold so close to my heart, in the very same position that I’m seeing someone in right now.
The fact of the matter is: we need more humanity. We have to stop banking on the notion that everyone wants to “get over,” or is looking for a handout. Many people just want to be OKAY. Not living a glamorous life by any means. Just a meal to eat when hungry and a place to sleep and stay warm. My heart truly goes out to the world.
It’s like you said, we love in a harsh and cynical world – but we all make up that world, which means the power to change it lies within our own hands. All it takes are more small acts of compassion, like your buying the woman sushi, to start making change. LOVED this post!
Tan says
Gosh that’s such an incredible and humbling way to look at it. Perhaps if more people viewed others in relation to those close to them, it would be easier to feel compassion.
Thank you so much for sharing your views!
Eden says
Tan that’s wonderful of you. I’ve started taking a different approach. When someone asks me for money for food I now donate to a food bank or to a soup kitchen. It doesn’t help the particular person but it ensures my safety.
In San Francisco, a lot of our homeless have medical challenges and can respond inappropriately, so a few of our beat cops recommended not directly interacting with them. I’m only 5’3″ and I’ve had a few instances where the person asking didn’t like how I was offering to help and assaulted me.
Tan says
Gosh I am so sorry you went through that. I can just imagine how scary it was. I love how, instead of turning your back on people, you take a different approach, and an incredibly noble and helpful one. This is a great option for those who want to help but are unable to interact directly.
Giulia says
That was very kind of you. I often buy coffee for someone if I see them close to my neighbourhood rummaging through trash. My area doesn’t usually have homeless people around. However, I work downtown right around the corner from the soup kitchen so I often see people much less fortunate than I am.
In my bag I carry Tim Horton’s gift cards in small currency – enough for me to give if I want to.
What I don’t support is what we here call ‘summer teenage homeless’ – those that during the warm weather leave home, beg at highway exits while sporting their phones (with plans), fancy backpack, etc. the ones that decided to show mom and dad that they were going to do what they want and then return once the weather gets cold. I know this sounds cynical, but there are people out there that really need help, that having been fighting battles for years and those are the ones that need compassion and a little support to make it through their days.
Tan says
I just love the idea of carrying gift cards in small amounts. I’ve often thought about doing that and am so glad to hear that it works for you.
Yes that’s certainly more teenage rebellion then being in actual need isn’t it? I can’t imagine what their parents must go through during those summer months.