Have you ever been in a situation that slowly eats away at your sanity and leaves you for nothing, yet you carry on because it’s the best thing for your family, self image, or bank account?
I vowed December last year that I would never teach full time again. I was in a great class in a great school and I loved (/love) teaching, but doing so full time wore me out and broke me down. So for the rest of the year I taught only mornings, and it was the best thing I could have done. Yes, I was sure for my own mental health I would never let myself teach full time again.
Then we bought a house.
“Oh I can handle it.” I thought.
I was wrong.
The last time I taught full time I was in a comfortable situation and I still found it hard. This time I was in a different school with a very different class and a situation completely foreign to me. I constantly dealt with conflicts I had never encountered before and resulted in me not doing my job to my best abilities. Slowly I felt my energy slip away and my happiness with it. The stress of going to work every single day and not knowing what battle I was going to face next got so intense that I developed constant stomach pains from the anxiety. If I continued I would have certainly had to go on medical leave.
So why, knowing I broke down last year when I was in a good job situation, did I take on a full time gig. Didn’t I learn my lesson?
Bottom line: we needed the money.
In the act of analyzing our situation, I completely forgot about my needs because our needs were higher priority, and sometimes you need to put your family ahead of yourself. But looking back, the worrying and possible stress induced stomach ulcers will never be worth the extra cash. So, despite our basement reno’s still not being done and our costs rising ever higher, I did what I needed to do for my happiness and health – I stopped teaching full time.
I know it’s going to be tough financially. We are still working on the basement (and therefore racking thousands of dollars in debt) and are at best 3+ weeks away from making that money back with tenants. But it doesn’t matter, and thankfully Ryan agrees. Since leaving the full time job two weeks ago, the stomach pains have stopped and my happiness that crawled away for the last few months has started to emerge again. That right there tells me I made the right decision.
Sometimes you need to make a sacrifice in one part of your life, an important part, in order to ensure your mental and physical health remains in balance. It is never an easy decision to make. Personally, I worried that I was putting Ryan and I in jeopardy with making such a seemingly selfish move. “We just bought a house! How could you stop working full time just because you’re unhappy!“. But I soon realized that being unhappy but having money isn’t worth it to myself or Ryan, because at the end of the day I wasn’t myself. Who wants to be with someone who’s constantly ranting, crying, or complaining about stomach pain?
I am so glad I made the sacrifice. No matter how much money you have, it doesn’t mean anything if you aren’t happy. And that’s all I want us to be in life – happy.
I’m glad you did what was best for you. Health comes first, always. In our society, we are often taught otherwise.
Last year I had to let a long-time friendship dissipate because it was causing me more heartache and stress than joy. It was hard. I still miss her and that relationship. But I don’t miss constantly questioning my identity in her shadow.
Deciding to let go of friendships is the hardest! I’m so glad it was the right decision for you <3
I know what you mean.. When I started my by business + creative endeavors with my friend, I thought everything would be dandy and I’d be freelancing full-time. But yes, money does become as issue and it’s one we cannot afford to ignore. Inevitably, I still kept a part-time job. I juggle that, my business, my blog and everything else that falls in between. And more often than not, one facet of all of these equally important things doesn’t get the attention it deserves. I’m still figuring out that balance and I hope 2014 will be that year. Great post and thanks for sharing 🙂
Finding that balance has to be one of life’s ultimate challenges. I don’t know that anyone has a magic formula that works, it’s all about making it work for you ya know? Here’s to a balanced and happy 2014!
You are so very right; happiness is what matters! It takes guts to leave steady income for the sake of being happy, but it’s good that you did. I left my job last spring to pursue work I can be passionate about, and couldn’t be happier that I did. Life is too short to not be doing what you want.
Happy 2014 Tan!
Yes life is too short! I’m so glad you took that leap Rachel! It’s a hard one but so worth it. I got a new teaching gig but it’s only 2 days, and it’s something completely different which I’m excited about. Then I have the other 5 days to work on my creative passions.
Hurray for doing what you love!
Good for you, Tan! As a librarian, I’m always stressed about balancing library work and creative work. About 18 months ago, I switched to part time librarianship and couldn’t be happier. Yeah, it might be awhile before my husband and I own a house, but we’re good where we are now. Thanks for being brave enough to talk about this and anxiety online! You rock 🙂
Who needs a house or whatever else when you’re working yourself to the bone to get it right? Good on you for taking that step, and thanks so much for your kind words! I try to keep things light and airy around here but sometimes ya just gotta get real, anxieties and all.
Yes, yes, yes! Welcome to the former teacher broke and happy club!
Yay! Happy to be a team member with you! Though technically I’m still a teacher, but just a couple days a week (so awesome).
Tan, such a brave post & totally real! I feel you & agree you did the right thing! Happiness is most important … (though it’s hard to remember that each day!) Good for you for following your gut.
It is hard to remember isn’t it? Thanks so much for your supportive words! <3
Sounds like you are headed in a better direction now! Cheers to you for being honest with yourself, and ysy for having a supportive husband by your side. 🙂
Gosh I couldn’t have done it without him let me tell you
Tan, I have felt this way so so many times. i think most teachers have. We love teaching, but teaching is so so hard. It’s even harder to do your job well and still take care of yourself. The kicker is that if we don’t take care of ourselves, we fall apart.
Last year, my husband was transferred and we had to move. I had the hardest time finding a new teaching job. Finally, I found a spot as a supporting teacher to three lovely master teachers. And I loved it. I still got to do the things that I loved about teaching – interacting with kids and creating/facilitating a fun curriculum, without any of the drawbacks like writing report cards and fielding parental concerns. The days were fast-paced, but they weren’t overwhelming anymore. I worked hard while I was at school, but I could leave every day at 3:15 and have a real life.
So thank you for writing this post. And kuddos to you for figuring out how to draw the line between what’s healthy for you personally and professionally!
Laura that sounds SO perfect! I’m so glad to hear you’ve found a balance that works for you. How nice to leave the job at 3:15 and not take it home hey? And gosh…to not worry about report cards or parents. Bliss!