Today I turn 30, and I’m still figuring things out.
The general perception seems to be that by 30, you’re set. You’re overjoyed at how those hard years spent earning a degree are finally paying off, you’re enjoying your first home and spending time with your growing family.
At 30, I’m just figuring out who I am and what I need.
At 30 I have a degree, and while I am enjoying the benefits (figuratively and literally) from the result of all those hard years at school, in the end it’s not enough for me. I need to create and make to be fulfilled, and how I’ll go about that yet I do not know. But at 30, in a career I love but does not fulfill (politics are partially to be blamed), I’m heading toward a huge life change. It’s terrifying, and I feel like I’ve gone back 10 years. I’m 20, frustrated at taking courses for something I don’t care about and not knowing what I want to do with my life. That time I ran away to Japan. This time I want to run away to Europe but logistics are keeping me here. But at the very least, this time I know where I need to be. I’m just figuring out how to get there.
At 30 I’ve got the house thing down. *phew* at least that’s checked off the list.
At 30 I have no children and, while we know we do want kids one day, we’re not ready. To be perfectly honest I’m still too selfish to bring in another human being into this world. Or perhaps I’m just unselfish enough to know now isn’t a good time. I want to figure out who I am and what I need before bringing in a child to the mix, because doesn’t that child deserve to have a mother who has clear goals in mind and has all (or at least half) of her ducks lined up in a row so every ounce of spare time can be spent doting and adoring? I’m sure regardless of my life situation, every ounce of spare time would be spent doting and adoring, but right now it wouldn’t be enough, and I want as much time as possible.
At 30 I’m figuring out who I am and what I need. I have so much in my life already to be thankful for: an incredibly supportive and loving husband, a beautiful family, wonderful friends, and a place I call home. I am eternally grateful for what these 30 years have brought me to where I stand today. And I am truly looking forward to what the next few years of my life will bring, as I achieve what I want and become who I want to be – a creator and a maker, an entrepreneur, a home owner, a loving wife, a doting mother.
Today I turn 30. I’m excited to see what happens next.